Blue eyes
by Belgianwritersblock
Summary: Dexter's child is beeing born and he has to make a critical decision. First Dexter story. Please help me seeing as I don't know wether it should stay in M. Pre-season 4. I could perhaps make more chapters if you like, could also end here.


Hello, this is my first 'Dexter fanfic' it's kind of personal seeing as this is about Dexter's child beeing born, how it can change a man. I recently became a godfather, and holding that child just makes you feel alive and afraid. It's scarily overwhelming.

Anyways, I don't know if season 4 has already aired (I live in Belgium, season 2 hasn't even aired here yet, I had to watch them online and stuff,) so if this doesn't add up to season 4 don't shoot me 'kay?

Oh, and let me know if this should be in M, I fugured with the murder and all, beter to keep it safe, but seeing as I don't really mention all that much gore perhaps it should be in T.

Please **read and review.**

Disclaimer: 'Desperate Dillen' Doesn't Declare 'Dexter's Deed'. (Don't own it.)

**Blue eyes**

Dexter just finished chopping up his latest victim. Jerry Malcowa. The Latin 'lover-boy'. Oh how he had shivered. Malcowa had a business of finding emotionally distressed women and exploiting them. First a courtship which made them fall in love with him and then the fast progress to making them his prostitutes. Nothing wrong with that, sure he was a scumbag but not all that bad, Dexter thought. He was simply playing people, just like he himself was and providing a service frowned upon by others, like they would frown upon Dexter's 'special services' if anyone knew. As long as Dexter didn't need to like him (he was filth after all) he was perfectly willing to coexist with the man. That was until about half a month ago.

An old contact of Deborah's, back from when she was still in vice, was killed. Dexter, being the 'Servant in Solitude' investigated the case in secret seeing as no other law-enforcer in Miami took much interest in another dead hooker.

Nobody but him… and Deborah. Sure he'd have to disappoint Deborah, she asked his help to bring Jerry to justice. He didn't like 'Disappointed Deb' but he needed this victim. Whilst spending a honeymoon on a cruise-ship with his 'Beloved Bride' and Astor and Cody, he didn't have any targets, let alone time to hunt them down. Of course after the cruise it didn't get that much better either. Playing the role of husband and father was harder then he imagined.

"Sure" he thought "I get to spend a lot of time with people I lo… I am fond of, but it's so hard to get time to myself."

The courses preparing Rita's upcoming birth and her hormones both required constant tending of his side. And of course 'Daddy Dexter' had to supply his children and be their taxi-driver. Drive to school, pick up from school, get cereal, get a movie, fix their bed, check under the newly made bed for monsters, check their temperatures… the list went on.

Yes of course he did this kind of stuff before he was married but now he was living with them, no escape and constant worries of someone finding his trophies… He was fond of his family, but they started to get on his nerves. Life was becoming dull without the hunt. The dark passenger was dying of boredom.

"Thank you." He said to the remains of Jerry Malcowa as he stuffed an arm into a garbage-bag. "And you don't know how easy you've got it now. You don't want to know the lies and debts I created to get one night off." He picked up the head of Malcowa and noticed that his blue eyes were still open, still displaying the fear of the last moments he witnessed. "Isn't it ironic?" Dexter thought to himself "That this is what I live for?"

As he finished loading the garbage bags into "Slice of life" and was just about to set sail, his phone rang. He checked the caller ID and noticed that it was Rita. "Can't I get just one night to myself?" He wondered. Thinking that she'd ask him to pick up 'strawberry ice-cream' and nacho-cheese again (yes: all pregnant women have weird cravings) he picked up the phone and answered in his most relaxed, masked voice.

"Hey you." He said in a cheery voice.

"Dexter! Get over here damn it." She screamed at him.

"What? What's the matter?" He answered in an utterly relaxed voice seeing as this was how she had been asking him to pick up (usually) unmixable food-supplies.

"I'm having contractions. The baby's coming!"

The words took what looked like forever to settle in his mind. "Now?" He asked, but it's 4 weeks to soon.

"I know that Dexter. You know that. I know that you know. But the baby doesn't know. Got it?" Rita replied

"I'm going to be a father?" Dexter asked in disbelief.

These words calmed Rita down and with a loving voice she answered "Yes, God yes Dexter. You're going to be a daddy."

Dexter didn't know what happened, he couldn't feel emotions. He however could, on rare occasions, feel fear. Fear of failing, fear of losing his old life fear of bringing another monster into the world. Sure it wasn't said that the child would inherit his weird cravings but yet…

The dark passenger inside him howled to finish the job to dump the body parts into the current, the first rule flickered in Dexter's head 'Don't get caught'. Dexter and his Demon fought an inward battle. To dump the body properly would take him to long to witness the birth of his child. To his own surprise 'Daytime Dexter' seized control and pushed the monster back into the backseat. "I'm a little while away; it'll be safer and faster if you take the ambulance. I'm going to drive to the hospital myself."

"Ok Dexter, please hurry. I love you." She whispered.

"I love you to." He replied.

He hung up.

He was confused as of what to do now. He wanted, actually wanted, to be there for the birth of his child. He also wanted to initiate the final stage of a successful hunt. The dark passenger roared at the very idea 'Daytime Dexter' was considering. 'Leave the body here? In our boat? The risk is too high that someone will find it.' Dexter knew he wasn't stronger then his shadow side. He knew he had to yield. It was the unspoken sacred bond between him and his demon. Sure, Dexter could persuade him, guide him, calm him… but stop him? Never. And Dark Dexter wasn't interested in the beginning of life, definitely not now.

He couldn't decide. Dexter looked back and forth at from his boat to his car, from his car to his boat. Leaving the body was against the first rule "Don't get caught." But then again, he'd become a father, wasn't that worth the risk? He took a step towards his car. The dark passenger became furious and ordered Dexter to walk back. The dark passenger knew Dexter didn't have the willpower to disobey.

"I'm all you need! I'm all you love! I'm all that brings order, peace and happiness to your life!" Screamed the thing inside his brains.

Dexter fell on his knees, enslaved by reason; the risk was too great… Yet as he tried to get up to get rid of the body he couldn't. Against the dark cloud inside his mind a challenger came. Rita, the kids, his knew kid… He knew he didn't love them but his was fond of them and he didn't want them to go through this alone. He remembered the first time he held Astor and Cody, the time he knocked Paul over the head because he threatened Rita… and Rita, she was a clear memory herself, her scent, her laugh, her blindness towards him... He felt drawn towards the three, soon to be four.

The dark passenger growled. He wouldn't take this rudeness, it was his time to drive, not Dexter's, this was his night. 'Defeated Dexter' got up and stepped into the boat. He took out his key and put it into the ignition. Before he could turn the key however a single image popped in his head. The first time he saw the sonogram of the baby, his baby. At the time it hadn't meant that much. Now it was a milestone. He couldn't miss this moment, he had been living up to it for months, endured a lot of crap because of it, and he wouldn't miss becoming a father. His vow came to mind 'I, Dexter Morgan, promise to be the best husband and father I can be.' He couldn't and wouldn't miss this moment, not in a lifetime! He took out the key and jumped of the boat. The dark passenger shrieked in an agonising voice, ordering Dexter to finish the job. In response he merely covered the garbage-bags with a sheet. In his mind he coldly spoke to his desires, to his dark side, with Harry's words; I'm in control of my urges, they do not control me. As he got into his car the dark passenger roared in fury and disbelief, yet there was nothing it could do.

Meanwhile an ambulance arrived at Rita's door. The paramedics helped her up, out of her chair and put her on the stretcher. After placing her in the ambulance they helped the kids into the ambulance. The ambulance-driver knew he had to hurry, for her water had already broken minutes ago and the contractions got harder and harder much faster then usually. As the medic in the back tried to calm the woman and her children whilst monotering her condition the the driver sped through Miami traffic.

Dexter started to drive, still with his stepfather's words ringing through his mind. He wondered; would Harry be proud? Proud that Dexter was soon to be a father himself…

Rita screamed in pain, the baby was coming too fast, this way she feared she'd give birth inside the ambulance. Astor and Cody had fear and confusion in their eyes as they saw their mother yell in agony, crushing the attending clinic's hand.

Dexter raced through the streets, going extremely fast even for Miami-traffic. He was nearing the hospital and knew that he had taken the right choice, he felt exited, unlike ever before, he felt alive, racing towards a certain goal finally not feeling like he was empty but that he had a purpose. No chase had ever felt this good, no death had ever captivated his attention as much as this life … no car had ever appeared so fast from the left, without priority. Never had he feared dying so much, now that he had offspring on the way, as he did when that car crashed into the left-back side of his vehicle. His car swirled around, the world spinning slower and slower. In the blink of an eye he saw the man of the other car fly through his front window. He couldn't watch the scene anymore as his car kept turning around it's midst. It stopped by slamming into a traffic light.

His airbag had opened a bit too late but still enough to shield a lot of the impact. Yet somehow Dexter didn't only have bumps and a fractured skull he also bled from his arms and his head. His eyes closed as the impact with the traffic light occurred.

Rita couldn't believe this. The man driving the ambulance had just told her that an emergency had happened at the next crossroads, seeing as it was on the way and it was urgent they had to stop to see what they could do.

The ambulance slowed down and the doors opened. The medic jumped out and joined his colleague, they walked towards the scene. One of the drivers was dead, no doubt about it, it was rather pulp then a body now. The other one was swaying near his car. He vomited and was mumbling "Hospital… hospital… need to… get… get… to… hospital… need…" The medics quickly checked him quickly and swiftly, wiped away his puke and carried him towards the ambulance; another one would come here soon to help those in need of minor treatment, if there were those in need. They lay the man next to the pregnant woman.

Rita opened her eyes as she heard her children yell 'Dexter Dexter!' Indeed next to her lay the nearly unconscious serial killer we all know and like. She whispered his name and forgot her pain. "Dexter" she whispered his name softly. He opened his eyes, at the sound of her speaking his name. "I told you I'd be here." He whispered back, not taking his eyes off of her. The medic seemed to take less interest in Rita now, thought her birth also had complications, the baby was coming to fast. Dexter however, seemed to be in graver danger. He kept talking to them, reassuring them and checking their conditions. He told Rita that now she'd definitely would give birth in the E.R.. And surely, no sooner had he said this or they stopped at the hospital.

A group of specialists separated Dexter and Rita. Their stretchers rolled apart, towards opposite directions. They held hand as long as they could and whispered each others names as they disappeared from sight. The children were seated in the hallway, an 'off duty' nurse stayed to keep an eye on them. Rita screamed as the baby was nearly born. At Dexter's end the doctors were off to go wash their hands for the upcoming surgery. One medic stayed behind with a dose of morphine to help him fall asleep. As this man bended over him on the surgery table he remembered, in a flash, every one of his victims that were killed by him, the scene seemed the same but his position. He also received clarity from these thoughts. He had come too far to be stopped now. In an amazing adrenaline shot he got up and reached for the syringe and planted it into the clinic's neck. The man fell down slowly and carefully as Dexter gently helped him down. Next he limped towards the room of Rita at great speed for someone who had been in a car-accident only 5 minutes before. He walked in to the E.R. room and held her hand. She was surprised and scared, relieved and happy to see him. The doctors couldn't have got rid of him if they even had had the time to. The second he held his wife's hand the doctor's could see the head. Rita cried in pain and joy. Dexter felt an emotion, a real emotion and not anger as before with his so called 'friend'. 'Happiness' was the feeling. Next came a good kind of fear, fondness, acceptance, love… He laughed in joy, and as first saw the blue eyes of his child he felt serene, complete, human.

Due to these emotions and the blow to his head he forgot about the garbage bags on his boat, the insides would decompose soon with the warm weather of Miami. Soon, if he didn't find a way, it would prove to be a problem…


End file.
